I’m not your typical girly-girl. I never was. I was never found playing with dolls or dressing up like most girls. To be very honest, I always found girls to be rather…”Boring”. The girls I found myself surrounded with, were either obsessed with themselves, other people or both, and all but always added “like” and “so” to dull 3 word sentences. Boys on the other hand kept interesting conversation like how engines worked, mathematics, science or philosophy. When surrounded with girls, I don’t know, I felt muscular. Like they were fragile, and I wasn’t.
I couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a bewildered deer when my heart was put out there, and the desire to be beautiful was ever lingering under the suppressed fear that if I was to show weakness, and thats how I viewed the essence of being a women, that I will be hurt beyond repair. That I will also become fragile, like them.
Imagine my surprise when I entered the realm of church life where the girls in my near-by vicinity weren’t just obsessed with nails and hair and clothes, but pursued the heart of God as fervently as I did? Imagine that the very thing I viewed as a weakness became the connection point in knowing my Creator and Father and whats more discovering all the hidden places within my very soul that could only be fed by this type of company of women. The first time I worshipped with my sisters, in a safe environment, filled with the scents of flowers from perfumed necks and palms, dancing to the beat of a heavenly sound wave, all united in Cause and and Purpose…I realised that I was home. HOME.
The strength of a women is not found in her bench press or inability to cry, it is found in an audacious choice to be vulnerable, authentic and real before the Lord. Even when it means running black lines painting your face, or dancing like a princess before your Heavenly Dad. We are warriors that are unashamed to be endlessly found in Him, and whats more to take the glass balls we are all juggling, and keep them up for each other when our arms become spastic.
I love the prayer of a daughter of the King, who waltzes into the throne room of her Father, flowers in her hair, knowing she is loved. The way she asks her Dad openly for the desires of her heart, echoes a deep understanding of not only who her father is, Almighty creator of the Universe, keeper of the heavens and the earth and all its scary creatures, but also who she is in Him and because of Him.
It’s so interesting that you can meet women of any age, race, culture and country, and still find the same astonishment in their eyes when you look deep into their souls and tell them this very basic truth. That they are deeply loved by The Father and that they are pleasing to Him. The words at first almost too far-fetched to grab on to but then it waters the deep dry places in a women’s heart and you see before you a wonderful awakening like the princess in the tower. She is worth pursuing, she is worth loving. And not by the man who shows his love with clenched fits or the buying of expensive gifts to cover the absence the lack of his presence leaves. No. A deep deep love that covers her darkest shame and unspoken pain, her insecurities and misconceptions about herself. A husband that never leaves and a comfort that never lets go.If every women on the earth could know, and really know that they are loved, that they are found in Him, can you imagine the unstoppable army force we will be? I think when girls realise and believe that they ARE the glue that keeps their families together, that keep societies together, that can change their communities and that they are built for relationship….they can conquer the world.
Heilana Cilliers// Hillsong Church Cape Town