I’m sitting in Jesse’s fully completed and kitted-out baby room. It’s the most beautiful room in our house. All his little clothes are neatly folded in the drawers, all according to size. Same with the 10’s of thousands of nappy packs, does one baby need so many nappies? He is already the most blessed boy ever, and we haven’t even met him yet.
But we soon will. And we will call him Jesse, and he will be ours, and we will be his! Forever.
Life has taken quite the roller-coaster-ride turn of events since I last posted. Luckily I’ve always been a fan of roller-coasters! If this is the first post you read on this blog, its been about how I dealt with infertility through the last 8 years…BUT it’s suddenly turning into a whole new EXCITING journey
‘Waiting on Jesse’ has never been more real than right this moment, because he can literally come any day now and, through the process of adoption, become the beautiful child we’ve longed to be for the last 8 years. Flip, we cannot WAIT TO LOVE HIM!
How did we get to this point?
Thinking back over life now, I believe God has really been preparing me/us for years, behind the scenes, never pushing but always working…I just missed it because we think life has to happen in a certain way. But then more recently, after giving me 3 amazing promises regarding our children in the beginning of the year, God started stirring my heart until He revealed His beautiful, breathtaking plan and birthed adoption in my heart in the early hours of the morning of 18 May 2017.
I would love to tell you in detail about the very normal, yet very significant moments that God used to stir my heart in the lead up to that morning, but it will take me forever, so I will just do it in a bullet point way 🙂
Before I do, you should know that over the last 8 years of infertility, we never considered adoption. People often asked us if adoption would be an option for us, to which we always naively responded ‘we are still believing to have our own children’, as if an adopted child is not your ‘own’ child. I’ve learned so much and will take everyone who wants to understand more, on this beautiful journey to break every stigma regarding adoption… but back to the story, I’m saying all of that to say that I believed it would be unfair that I have to adopt when everyone else get to have babies. I thought adoption would be a plaster to cover the pain while waiting for a child. I thought it would definitely be the last option, one day, when we’ve tried everything else. Jurgen was on the same page as I. Oh how we giggle now at our thinking back then, God must have giggled too, knowing how we would change.
SO. A quick mention of the moments of God-stirrings leading up to that morning of 18 May that changed our WHOLE LIFE!
- End of April I found myself at our annual Women’s Colour Conference. During a specific prayer moment, surrounded by my mom, sisters and closest friends, I had a sense it would be my last Colour without a baby in my arms.
- 10 day holiday in Namibia in the beginning of May, with a lot of rest and pondering conversations between Jurgen and myself about life being too comfortable, we need to stretch
- 14th May: A message from a lady in church on Mother’s Day with words that pierced my heart
- 15th May: Seeing Jurgen hold our friends’ new born baby, a moment God used to whisper into my heart
- 16th May: A conversation at our Connect Group about miracles, and how it is often for a way bigger purpose than just being ‘our miracle’
- 17th May: A conversation with our Church’s beautiful cleaning lady, and the reality of her children’s day to day lives.
It was that last conversation that started off the sleepless night on the 17th, but all of those moments played a part in preparing my heart for what God was about to drop in it a few hours later. At first my thinking was only about our cleaner’s boys and how we can open up our lives to help, and as I thought about that, God took it further and in that moment birthed adoption. I spent the rest of the night wide awake waiting for the morning to come so I can tell Jurgs about what happened through the night.
He got up, read, went to the gym, made us breakfast, same routine as every other morning, but this morning would end different. I was super nervous to tell him, because what if he is not ready/open to it. BUT GOD! The moment I told him what happened in my heart he broke down in crocodile tears and said, ‘It’s what we need to do,let’s not wait a day longer’
And here we are, just over 4 months later, sitting in our baby boy’s room. The whole pre-adoption process completed (we were told that this would take between 6-9 months, because you deal with crazy amounts of paperwork and government sign-off’s) So the fact that we are already PAPER PREGNANT after 4 months (I know right, its a real term in the adoption world) is a miracle in itself. All we are waiting for now is the call from our amazing social worker to say we’ve been matched with a (our) baby boy.
Pray with us that he will be in our arms soon, and very soon. Because in our hearts, he is already ours.
Can’t wait to share more of what I’ve learned so far on this new journey we are on. And even though our journey has taken a new direction, this blog was always meant to encourage those who are in the ‘waiting room of life’, so I truly pray that it still encourages hearts, near and far.